2 Corinthians 10 & marriage

Allow me to preach to myself for a second.  I have been convicted recently of saying things to my husband that I shouldn’t.  Don’t jump to conclusions.  I haven’t chewed him out or torn him down.  Please excuse the grossness, but I think it’s fitting:  I like to call it, thought-vomit. 

Thought-vomit occurs when I take in something – a situation, a conversation, etc. – and I don’t process my perceptions & emotions the way I should.  Instead, my mind (& heart) freaks out & throws up an ugly mixture of thoughts onto the closest, safest person – Dan.  Thought-vomit.

“But he’s your husband…  That’s what he’s for,” you might say.  No.  Why?  Dan is not my Holy Spirit.  The difference is, I can be completely transparent with the Lord…. Because He already knows my heart, and, better yet, because He has the POWER to CHANGE my heart!  Dan doesn’t have the power to change my heart – he can only react.  His role in my life?  Biblically speaking?  (drum roll please)… … … … … ... To love me.

In our Christian subculture, we often focus on the husband’s role to LEAD.  But the New Testament focuses on the husband’s role to LOVE.  He who loves well, leads well.  That’s not just a cute saying that I made up.  That is the story of my life as a wife.  He who loves well, leads well.  Trust me on this one.  I know it to be true – by the authority of Scripture but also by my own personal experience, day-to-day for seventeen years.  Dan’s role is to love me.  Read Ephesians, chapter 5.

And lately, I have really put him in an unfair position, by vomiting my every highly-emotive thought in his lap.  You see, I’ve been in a season of change, or rather, in a season of waiting for change.  That’s another blog post, but suffice it to say, lately I’ve had a lot of thoughts, and a lot of emotions, bless his heart.  So if Dan is not my Holy Spirit, and the Bible says his job is simply to love me… and I’m going through this crazy season where I certainly can’t ignore every thought swimming around in my head… what am I to do with my EVERY THOUGHT?

“…and we take captive EVERY THOUGHT to make it obedient to Christ.”  (2 Cor. 10:5)

In 2 Corinthians 10, Paul reminds me that I am in a war.  What do I do with my every thought?  I FIGHT!  With what?  GOD’S WORD.  Verses 3-4 say that the Word of God has DIVINE POWER to demolish strongholds… so we demolish every argument, and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God!  That word “knowledge” is “gnosis” – it means knowledge, understanding.  The purpose of my mind is to know and understand GOD.  Any thought that gets in the way of that, must be destroyed. 

But before I can destroy a thought, I have to capture it.  Enter verse 5.  I used to think of this process of “capturing” a thought like the scene in Karate Kid when he’s trying to catch the fly with chopsticks.  I imagined a thought floating around in my mind, the precision it’d take to snatch it in between my fingers, in order to evaluate if it is against my knowledge and understanding of God, and to make it obedient to Christ.

Not anymore.  Life is a war, not a movie.  I now imagine the process of “capturing” a thought like chasing down a 350-pound criminal – a drug-lord or child-traficker – holding him at gunpoint and then toppling him.  Using every muscle in my body to physically constrain, handcuff, and place that “thought” into custody, in order to evaluate if it is against my knowledge and understanding of God, and to make it obedient to Christ.

The word “thought” in verse 5 is the Greek “noema.”  It can mean thought, mind, scheme, design, or plot.  It is from “noeo” – to perceive.  As women, we “perceive” a lot.  A blessing and a curse, the reality that I make hundreds of “perceptions” a day cannot be ignored.  I need to capture my every perception and make it obedient to Christ.  I love it that the word can mean scheme, design or plot.  Do you know how many times a day I mentally predict and plan the future of myself and all those around me?  I am a woman.  I plan our meals, our vacations, and our destinies.  (That was a joke.  But seriously.)

Practically speaking, the Lord reminded me that instead of thought-vomiting my every idea, perception, or scheme onto Dan… I must go first to GOD and ask, “Is this perception OBEDIENT to Christ?”  “Is this thought FOR my knowledge and understanding of You, or AGAINST it?”  “Is this scheme born of YOU, or of ME?”  I capture my every thought by saying them all to the Lord.  I hold nothing back when I talk to Him.  I tell Him everything – what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling.  I tell on people to Him.  (Often.)  I throw a fit to Him.  I rant and I rave.  I cry.  And then, I either open His Word in my mind by remembering what it says about it… or I open His Word in my hands and dig and dig and dig until I find what it says about it. 

His kindness leads to repentance.  I want my prayer-life to replace my thought-life.  And I want His Word to replace my own.  Even my words to my husband.

And honestly, Dan and I are helpers to one another in that.  Of course I share my thoughts, feelings, and dreams with him – he’s my husband, and he knows me and loves me more than any other human ever has or ever will.  And oh, how I always want to be the person with whom he shares his thoughts, feelings, and dreams.  We’re partners in the battle.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard Dan Reeves say to me, gently, lovingly, but strongly, “That’s insecurity talking.  The Word says…”

If you’ve read this far, you know I’ve been frighteningly transparent, so please allow me the courtesy of asking just one question of you.  Few pastor’s wives would offer a window into their marriages like I have here.  This issue is something I dealt with in time alone with the Lord.  I chose to make this private matter of my heart public today for one reason only, to ask this question:  Who is First Response for you? 

Who do you go to when you’re upset, confused, frustrated, mad, or painfully hurt?  Who is your First Response?  I want to encourage you to answer this question honestly, in the privacy of your heart, today.  Husbands, wives, parents, friends, are all gifts from the Lord, given so that we do not have to fight alone.  But I am convinced and convicted that the Holy Spirit be my First Response.  He has given me a strong partner here on earth to help me… but the Holy Spirit is the only One who is qualified to HEAL me, to SAVE me…  He is my first call.