words in my back pocket

I’m a believer in knowing your purpose and keeping your life focused.  I’ve learned something new this year to help with that, and I’d love to share it with you. 

This lesson came from a fellow pastor’s wife, Lori Wilhite.  Lori and her friend Brandi Wilson lead an amazing ministry for pastor’s wives and women in ministry called Leading and Loving It.  I’m not sure I would have survived 2011 without their ministry and the prayers of my L&LI community group across the country.  (:  If you’re a pastor’s wife or woman in ministry, check them out.

Here’s the lesson:

Know the answers to some recurring questions.  Have a ready answer in your head.  I’ve never been good at thinking on my feet, so having words already chosen before a question arises is transforming my life and ministry.   As Lori calls them, helpful responses stuck in my back pocket ready to be pulled out when needed.

Sometimes the person asking the questions is myself.  I want to answer even myself with wisdom.

I am enchanted with the notion of having answers in my back pocket.  Ready to pull out without a moment’s notice.  Einstein wore identical suits every day in order to free up mental space for science.  Having words already chosen, stuck in my back pocket and ready to be pulled out when needed, frees up my mental space for changing the world in Jesus’ name.

This is a brand new lesson for me.  I’m hungry to add more and more to my pocket.  I’d love to hear your ideas! 

Here are my three favorites so far . . .

 I don’t.

This is the answer to the recurring question, “How do you do it all?”  I don’t.  Simply put, I am passionately, wholeheartedly committed to not do it all.  I have chosen a few things to do with my life.  The rest, I don’t do.  That is my only hope for ever doing anything well.

Oh well.

This is the answer to the recurring question, “What do you say when this happens?”  Oh well.  What do you say when the car is so messy that the principal finds an old cheeseburger on the floorboard (yes, an entire cheeseburger) when he opens the door for your first-grader?  Oh well.  What do you say when you have to miss an important work day because one of your kids is running a fever?  Oh well.  Or when you realize your kids have eaten Chick-Fil-A three dinners in a row?  Oh well.  Or when your Christmas tree is still up mid-January? Oh well. Or when the new babysitter opens the closet door that everyone else knows not to open and gets knocked down by junk?  Oh well.  I could go on and on.  But I am passionately, wholehearted committed to taking myself less seriously.  That is my only hope for serving God in humility and seeing HIM accomplish great things in my life.  Besides, they love chicken nuggets.

 For you.

Okay this might be my favorite.  This is my response to recurring criticisms from other people.  Most often these questions come in the form of blanket statements regarding everything from church to parenting.  Such as… “The music is too loud.”  For you.  “Homeschooling is the best choice.”  For you.  “Your church doesn’t have enough events on the calendar.”  For you.  “Doing my husband’s laundry shows love and respect.”  For you. You get the idea.

Simply put, I am passionately, wholeheartedly committed to following God’s best FOR ME, in how to love my husband, disciple my kids, serve my church, and change the world.  A sweetly stated, For you, allows me to walk away from criticism without the pang of regret.  I haven’t exploded defensive accusations back at them, but I haven’t given the criticism weight with my silence either.  For you is becoming one of my favorite statements.  I enjoy finding opportunities to say it gracefully, genuinely, smile, and then walk away from the critical person.  When it is appropriate to use?  Any time someone makes a blanket remark about a life choice that falls outside of biblical mandate.  I say it to my kids.  I say it to myself.  Even if it’s a choice I agree with, For you can be a swift reminder to keep our eyes on Jesus, not on others’ choices, however different they may be than our own.

What helpful responses do you keep in your back pocket?  If this is a new idea for you, too, think about the most recurring questions you have to deal with in your life and ministry.  And pray for a wise response.  I’ve had to eat enough not-well-thought-out words in this month alone to drive me to keep some wise ones on hand.  Let’s learn from each other!