is every family called to adopt?

”Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

James 1:27

Today I wanted to write a post about staying at home.  You know, the euphemism kind of “staying at home,” which simply means that you’ve got kids and you don’t send them to daycare.  I sure wish we could come up with a different euphemism, seeing as how I “stay at home” but am hardly ever, no never, at home.  Oh well.

I wanted to write a blog post about GRACE.  Grace for moms who stay at home, but more pointedly, grace for moms who don’t.  I’ve been super convicted lately that way too many mommas who “work outside of the home” (another insufficient euphemism) feel awfully judged and guilty and jealous and straight-up condemned, inadvertently or not by those of us who haven’t held a job since giving birth.  And vice versa, believe it or not.  Vice versa, indeed.

Grace for moms who don’t stay at home.  And grace for moms who do.

But this isn’t a post about staying at home or not staying at home.  It is, however, most definitely a post about GRACE.

You see, a long time ago when I asked the Lord if He wanted me to stay at home with our imaginary kids (they’re real now; then they weren’t), He said, YES.  I heard Him plain as day, and so did Dan.

But lately, I’ve asked Him another question that reminds me so so much of that one.  I guess that’s why I have been ever-so-surprised to hear Him answer, this time, NO.

The question?  If He wants us to adopt.

What I’m about to say, I find it painfully hard to type out, much less publish for others to read. 

You see, for a while, I was convinced that EVERY Christian family MUST adopt.  I can quote you the statistics.  Suffice it to say, that would SOLVE the orphan epidemic, at least numerically.

So what does one do when they believe that every Christian family should adopt, but they haven’t adopted?  And they pray like crazy about it, but they start to sense that, for one reason or another, their family isn’t going to?  At least not today?

Ouch.

I don’t know what one does.  But my guess is they either change what they believe, or live in condemnation.

So here goes nothin:  “God does not call every Christian family to adopt.”  There.  I said it.   And get this:  The second line to that statement is not, “Only the obedient and cool ones.”

If you or I are searching for whether or not God is leading us to adopt, (or to stay at home, or anything else, for that matter), one very simple litmus test can go a long way in helping us sort that out:  Is the feeling motivating you to do it, condemnation?  In other words, do you feel guilty or shameful or bad about yourself when you consider the other alternative (not adopting, not staying-at-home)? 

“… no one who takes refuge in Him will be condemned.”

Psalm 34:22

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…”

Romans 8:1

God simply does NOT condemn.  If it is condemnation you are feeling, it is not from Him.  If you are trying to sort out if the desire to adopt is from Him, if it reeks of condemnation, it has an altogether different source.  Let’s clear up one thing for sure:  Holy Spirit conviction does not resemble Satanic condemnation. 

And allow me to say one thing more:  Neither does Holy Spirit conviction resemble human pressure.

No, Satan most certainly does not want an orphan to be rescued… But it might be worth it to him if he could make me forfeit my freedom in Christ to the enslavement of condemnation, AND make me push past the leadership of the Holy Spirit working in my spouse to the destruction of our relationship.  (The very relationship that shows the world – earth and heavenlies included – a picture of the mysterious unfailing love Jesus Christ has for His Bride, the church.)

Hmm.

I am not ready to say that the Reeves family will never adopt.  My heart yearns to almost every day.  We can meet for coffee and I’ll tell you all the reasons why.  But I will also tell you all the reasons why I believe wholeheartedly He has spoken over me, No.  Or at least, Not today.

And I have peace here. 

Here in this place of the No. 

And I will not spend my time here waddling in the mud of condemnation and guilt and shame.

For heavens sake, the place of the No is an open field!

There are so many places to go

Things to do

People to help

Orphans to hold

Money to give

Skills to share

Words to say

All sprouting forth from the free soil in the hands of our Loving Father who adopted us as dearly loved daughters and sons for life by His own blood.

There is just no telling what He might do.  For orphans.  Though us.  Whom He has told, No.

Or at least, Not today.

If you sense He is telling you to adopt, and it is in unity with your spouse (if you have one), by all means do not hesitate!  GO!  You can do it!  Put a little Holy Spirit power to it!  (Read: That was a joke. I was a cheerleader and enjoy self-deprecating humor.)

But all joking aside, for those of us who do not sense Him telling us to adopt (at least not today), let’s embrace the open field of the No.  Explore ALL the possibilities of ways to live out James 1:27.  Start by picking up some pom-poms and cheering our hearts out for those who are adopting!  NOT avoiding them when we see them at Target because they make us feel guilty.  Ouch.

They need us. 

If you don’t know what to do, I invite you to get to know my friends at Families Outreach, or other non-profit orphan care ministries like them.  Let’s not confuse God’s direction not to adopt, with Him saying not to do anything. 

Not sensing God’s leadership to adopt (at least not today) has left me feeling condemned and shameful at worst, helpless and useless at best.  But I can’t get out of my head something that Chris Caine said at Passion this past year:  In regards to human trafficking, a cause for which Chris has given over her entire life, she charged all of us listening with more passion than I’ve ever heard her speak (and that is saying A LOT), to do one thing:  PRAY. 

Whether you sit reading this with seven adopted sons and daughters playing at your feet,

Or you sit alone today wishing a spouse would share your heart’s desire,

Or you sit at peace with your place in the open field of the No,

Or you sit in a puddle of tears over the pain of infertility,

Or you sit confused and broken over financial limitations,

Or you sit afraid…

Would you PRAY with me?

Like, for real??

You don’t have to pray that God would call you to adopt. 

He will take care of that if He so chooses.

Chances are, if you’re so inclined to it that you’re asking Him to call you to do it, He already has.

But I’ve decided to use the next 40 days of my life to pray for orphans.  My amazing friend whom I’ve never met, Kay Warren, has put together a 40 Day Prayer Guide for Orphan Care.  Starting today, July 26, would you pray with me for 40 little days?  You can download the guide here, but I ask one thing: Please comment below or email me at vreeves95@gmail.com if you are joining me for this 40 Days of Prayer for Orphan Care.  You won’t hear back a single unsolicited thing from me; I just want a tally of how many are praying.  We’ll begin today because tonight is the night of the Journey Campus women’s gathering, at which I’d like to call them to pray with us as well. 

This I can tell you for sure:  Satan NEVER asks us to pray.  So if you are willing to pray for 40 days, by all means trust that the Lord Himself has planted a seed that will grow in the grace and freedom that is life in Him.  I’m convinced the fruit will be more beautiful than anything we can imagine.