back to school prayers for parents | day two | 1 Cor. 10.6-10

This is the second installment in a series I’m writing in honor of Back-to-School time at the Reeves’.  School supplies, backpacks, lunch boxes, haircuts, doctor check-ups, new clothes, even manicures and pedicures for crying out loud… (in the living room, not the salon)… but I am convicted that all that preparation for back-to-school, though good and awesome and fun, must be matched by the only preparation that will matter in the end:  prayer.

Today’s prayer comes from 1 Corinthians 10:6-13.  The passage is a list of warnings.  Cautions.  Heads-up.  Danger ahead.  The warnings come from history; history indeed has a tendency to repeat itself.  Sometimes I feel like my kids are growing up in a world that is altogether different than what I grew up in.  In this passage, Paul reminds us that human beings are the same as they’ve always been.  And that humanity has the same enemy it’s had from day one; no new tricks.  And that God. Is. Faithful. 

Yesterday.  Today.  Tomorrow.

When I’m overcome with fear for my kids growing up in this world and want to check them out of school, move to the middle of nowhere, and hide them under a tent until they’re thirty-seven, this gives me peace and comfort.   And brings me to my knees, equipped with words to say.   Let’s pray…

“Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did…”

Lord, I pray for what ________________ sets her heart on.  I pray that she not set her heart on evil things, but set her heart on You.  She’s terribly blessed… a safe home, people who love her, good friends, a closet full of clean clothes, every school supply she needs, so much food that she can make choices each day what to eat.  I pray she not set her heart on any of it.  Protect her heart, Lord, from the cancer of indulgence.  Protect her from setting her heart on the counterfeit gifts the enemy offers.  Protect her from setting her heart even on Your good gifts… Set her heart on YOU alone.  You are the only One who satisfies.

“Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written:  ‘The people sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in revelry...’”

Lord, I pray that as ________________ grows and matures, her daily life would not consist of just fulfilling her own desires, but that she would live with a purpose that is greater than herself.  I pray against entitlement in her heart, in world that bombards her with one message:  You do not have enough.  Lord, help me model healthy contentment, honest joy, and genuine thankfulness.  Call her.  Set her on Your mission.  Protect her from all idolatry, especially the worship of self.  You are the only good God.

“We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did – and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died…”

Do you see a spiral?  Do you see a downward pattern?  First, they set their hearts on things, rather than on the Lord.  That led to straight-up idolatry, which, in the purest sense, is worship of self… living to eat, drink, and play… to fulfill their own desires and lusts.  This led, of course, to sexual sin. 

No one can receive the gift of sexual purity and intimacy when they live to please themselves; it goes against the very nature of this gift of all gifts.  (Yes, I’m talking about sex.)  What Matthew Henry said in 1607 about the Israelites in B.C., still rings true today:

“And spiritual whoredom did in many cases lead to bodily prostitution.”^[1]  It’s a heart issue.  It’s forever been, and will forever be. 

Sexual immorality translates to every age and stage of history, from the Garden on.  Lest we 21^st century parents think that the Bible writers would not have understood the sexual condition of our children’s world today, it is the same.  Paul writes to 1^st century believers in Corinth, the home of the temple of Venus, where thousands of women devoted their entire lives to live and worship.  Thousands.  We’re not talking nuns.  They were called priestesses.  Their daily act of worship?  Prostitution. 

Can I just repeat that line from Mr. Henry?  “Spiritual whoredom leads to bodily prostitution.”  Granted, I’ve got my College-Pastor’s-Wife heart on display here.  I can get fired up about this subject.  Because pure sexual intimacy – God’s most extravagant gift and tool, given for our life and enjoyment, as well as for the visibility of His clarified glory – Satan in all his ugly jealousy has targeted to twist to our destruction and the blur of our Lord.  Why does Paul mention that 23,000 people died?  That’s what sexual sin does.  Kills.  And it makes me mad. 

Lord, I pray You protect ________________’s purity so that as she grows, she falls in love with You, she lives with a purpose greater than herself, and in Your perfect timing she experiences the pure gift of intimacy in a marriage that gives her the greatest happiness and gives You the greatest glory.  I pray the same for her future husband, wherever in the world he is growing up today.

“We should not test Christ, as some of them did – and were killed by snakes…”

Lord, I pray for ________________ that she won’t test You, but that she would trust You with all her heart.  Lord, protect her.  Protect her heart; protect her mouth!  That she would not say things about You she will later regret. 

“And do not grumble, as some of them did – and were killed by the destroying angel…”

With the mention of this specific sin I can imagine every mother in America standing to her feet, raising her hands and shouting, “AMEN!”  It’s the warning against “grumbling,” or as other versions call it, “complaining,” or “murmuring.”  Enough said. 

Lord, I pray You’ll protect ________________ from the temptation to grumble, murmur, and complain.  (And please protect me from that, too, as it’s surely a “caught” behavior.)  May we both do everything today without grumbling or arguing, so that we may become blameless and pure, children of Yours in a warped and crooked generation.  Make us shine among this generation like stars in the sky, as we hold firmly to the Word of life.  You.

(I borrowed words from Philippians 2:14-16 for that one.)

“These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the culmination of the ages has come.  So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!  No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

This is my ultimate prayer today, Lord.  That You’d protect ________________ from temptation today.  I stand firm on her behalf on Your promise, that You will not allow her to be tempted beyond what she can bear today.  You will not push her past her limit.  Thank You, Jesus.  Either her trials will be proportioned to her strength, or You’ll supply strength in proportion to her temptations.  And by all means, Lord Jesus, when she is tempted today, open her eyes to see the WAY OUT You’re providing.  Give her feet the “umph” to r un.  Give her heart the strength and the trust to chase after You alone, the One who’s been chasing after her all her days. 

I’m often tempted to think that we are facing some extraordinary difficulty in raising our kids.  The fact is, we’re not.  Raising kids in the world today is so stinkin’ hard.  Very few parents talk about how hard it is.  Don’t be jealous of those who don’t believe (or won’t admit) that it’s so stinkin’ hard.  “If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!”  It’s hard. 

But…

Human beings are the same as they’ve always been.  And humanity has the same enemy it’s had from day one; no new tricks.  And our God. Is. Faithful. 

Yesterday.  Today.  Tomorrow.

Amen.

---

^[1] Henry, M. (1994). Matthew Henry’s commentary on the whole Bible: Complete and unabridged in one volume (1 Co 10:6–14). Peabody: Hendrickson.

back to school prayers for parents | day one | PSALM 139

I’ve heard it said that having children is like having your heart ripped out of your chest and sprout legs.  Mine did times three today, and walked straight into 1^st, 6^th, and 9^th grades.

A prayer has comforted me, guided me, re-aligned me, and taught me since my oldest was a baby.  Psalm 139 was written as a manifesto of the Lord’s intimate knowledge of… me.  Unapologetically personal.  There is no analyzing or interpreting your way out of Psalm 139’s unashamed celebration of a God who deeply knows, deeply loves, and deeply holds an individual child of His.  Me.  You.

But as a mom, I’ve found it’s easier to trust Him with myself and my life than with my kids and their lives.  So fourteen years ago I started replacing the “me” in Psalm 139 with the name of my daughter, and praying God’s Word back to Him.  Matthew Henry advocates this practice of praying God’s Word:

"Divine truths look fully as well when they are prayed over as when they are preached over, and much better than when they are disputed over.  When we speak of God to Him Himself we shall find ourselves concerned to speak with the utmost degree both of sincerity and reverence, which will be likely to make the impressions the deeper."^[1]

Each day this week I'd like to share a prayer He's laid on my heart to pray from His Word.  If you’re a parent of a child going to school today, or really going anywhere, I hope this little practice blesses you in the excruciating, exhilarating journey of watching your heart walk on its own before your very eyes.  You can simply insert your kiddo’s name in the blank.  I find it super helpful to say the words out loud.   Lamentations 2:19 says, “Pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord.  Lift up your hands to Him for the lives of your children…”

I can’t think of a better start than with what He’s already spoken over them.  Let’s pour them out and lift them up today.  In return, I do believe our hearts – what’s left of them – will receive peace, and joy, and an elevated trust in the One they really belong to anyway.

                  You have searched __________, LORD, and you know __________.

                  You know when __________ sits and when __________ rises;

                  You perceive __________’s thoughts from afar.

                  You discern __________’s going out and __________’s lying down;

                  You are familiar with all __________’s ways.

                  Before a word is on __________’s tongue

                  You, LORD, know it completely.

                  You hem __________ in behind and before,

                  And You lay Your hand upon __________.

                  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

                  Too lofty for me to attain.

                  Where can __________ go from Your Spirit?

                  Where can __________ flee from Your presence?

                  If __________ goes up to the heavens, You are there;

                  If __________ makes her/his bed in the depths, You are there.

                  If __________ rises on the wings of the dawn,

                  If __________ settles on the far side of the sea,

                  Even there Your hand will hold __________ fast.

                  If __________ says, “Surely the darkness will hide me

                  And the light become night around me,”

                  Even the darkness will not be dark to You;

                  The night will shine like the day,

                  For darkness is as light to You.

                  For You created __________’s inmost being;

                  You knit __________ together in her mother’s/my womb.

                  I praise You because __________ is fearfully and wonderfully made;

                  Your works are wonderful,

                  I know that full well.

                  __________’s frame was not hidden from You

                  when __________ was made in the secret place,

                  when __________ was woven together in the depths of the earth.

                  Your eyes saw __________’s unformed body;

                  All the days ordained for __________ were written in Your book

                  Before one of them came to be.

                  How precious to me are Your thoughts, God!

                  How vast is the sum of them!

                  Were I to count them,

                  They would outnumber the grains of sand –

                  When I awake, I am still with You.

                  [Note:  I always pray this next part in a spirit of binding the enemy.  The New Testament                   is clear:  We have an enemy.  Our enemy is not flesh and blood.  He is a liar, and has set                   a target on our children’s backs.  But Christ has won.  The victory is ours.  And theirs.]

                  If only You, God, would slay the wicked!

                  Away from us, you who are bloodthirsty!

                  They speak of You with evil intent;

                  Your adversaries misuse Your name.

                  Do I not hate those who hate You, LORD,

                  And abhor those who are in rebellion against You?

                  I have nothing but hatred for them;

                  I count them my enemies.

                  Search me, God, and know my heart;

                  Test me and know my anxious thoughts.

                  See if there is any offensive way in me,

                  And lead me in the way everlasting.

Amen.

---

^[1] Henry, M. (1994). Matthew Henry’s commentary on the whole Bible: Complete and unabridged in one volume (Ps 139:1–6). Peabody: Hendrickson.

is every family called to adopt?

”Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

James 1:27

Today I wanted to write a post about staying at home.  You know, the euphemism kind of “staying at home,” which simply means that you’ve got kids and you don’t send them to daycare.  I sure wish we could come up with a different euphemism, seeing as how I “stay at home” but am hardly ever, no never, at home.  Oh well.

I wanted to write a blog post about GRACE.  Grace for moms who stay at home, but more pointedly, grace for moms who don’t.  I’ve been super convicted lately that way too many mommas who “work outside of the home” (another insufficient euphemism) feel awfully judged and guilty and jealous and straight-up condemned, inadvertently or not by those of us who haven’t held a job since giving birth.  And vice versa, believe it or not.  Vice versa, indeed.

Grace for moms who don’t stay at home.  And grace for moms who do.

But this isn’t a post about staying at home or not staying at home.  It is, however, most definitely a post about GRACE.

You see, a long time ago when I asked the Lord if He wanted me to stay at home with our imaginary kids (they’re real now; then they weren’t), He said, YES.  I heard Him plain as day, and so did Dan.

But lately, I’ve asked Him another question that reminds me so so much of that one.  I guess that’s why I have been ever-so-surprised to hear Him answer, this time, NO.

The question?  If He wants us to adopt.

What I’m about to say, I find it painfully hard to type out, much less publish for others to read. 

You see, for a while, I was convinced that EVERY Christian family MUST adopt.  I can quote you the statistics.  Suffice it to say, that would SOLVE the orphan epidemic, at least numerically.

So what does one do when they believe that every Christian family should adopt, but they haven’t adopted?  And they pray like crazy about it, but they start to sense that, for one reason or another, their family isn’t going to?  At least not today?

Ouch.

I don’t know what one does.  But my guess is they either change what they believe, or live in condemnation.

So here goes nothin:  “God does not call every Christian family to adopt.”  There.  I said it.   And get this:  The second line to that statement is not, “Only the obedient and cool ones.”

If you or I are searching for whether or not God is leading us to adopt, (or to stay at home, or anything else, for that matter), one very simple litmus test can go a long way in helping us sort that out:  Is the feeling motivating you to do it, condemnation?  In other words, do you feel guilty or shameful or bad about yourself when you consider the other alternative (not adopting, not staying-at-home)? 

“… no one who takes refuge in Him will be condemned.”

Psalm 34:22

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…”

Romans 8:1

God simply does NOT condemn.  If it is condemnation you are feeling, it is not from Him.  If you are trying to sort out if the desire to adopt is from Him, if it reeks of condemnation, it has an altogether different source.  Let’s clear up one thing for sure:  Holy Spirit conviction does not resemble Satanic condemnation. 

And allow me to say one thing more:  Neither does Holy Spirit conviction resemble human pressure.

No, Satan most certainly does not want an orphan to be rescued… But it might be worth it to him if he could make me forfeit my freedom in Christ to the enslavement of condemnation, AND make me push past the leadership of the Holy Spirit working in my spouse to the destruction of our relationship.  (The very relationship that shows the world – earth and heavenlies included – a picture of the mysterious unfailing love Jesus Christ has for His Bride, the church.)

Hmm.

I am not ready to say that the Reeves family will never adopt.  My heart yearns to almost every day.  We can meet for coffee and I’ll tell you all the reasons why.  But I will also tell you all the reasons why I believe wholeheartedly He has spoken over me, No.  Or at least, Not today.

And I have peace here. 

Here in this place of the No. 

And I will not spend my time here waddling in the mud of condemnation and guilt and shame.

For heavens sake, the place of the No is an open field!

There are so many places to go

Things to do

People to help

Orphans to hold

Money to give

Skills to share

Words to say

All sprouting forth from the free soil in the hands of our Loving Father who adopted us as dearly loved daughters and sons for life by His own blood.

There is just no telling what He might do.  For orphans.  Though us.  Whom He has told, No.

Or at least, Not today.

If you sense He is telling you to adopt, and it is in unity with your spouse (if you have one), by all means do not hesitate!  GO!  You can do it!  Put a little Holy Spirit power to it!  (Read: That was a joke. I was a cheerleader and enjoy self-deprecating humor.)

But all joking aside, for those of us who do not sense Him telling us to adopt (at least not today), let’s embrace the open field of the No.  Explore ALL the possibilities of ways to live out James 1:27.  Start by picking up some pom-poms and cheering our hearts out for those who are adopting!  NOT avoiding them when we see them at Target because they make us feel guilty.  Ouch.

They need us. 

If you don’t know what to do, I invite you to get to know my friends at Families Outreach, or other non-profit orphan care ministries like them.  Let’s not confuse God’s direction not to adopt, with Him saying not to do anything. 

Not sensing God’s leadership to adopt (at least not today) has left me feeling condemned and shameful at worst, helpless and useless at best.  But I can’t get out of my head something that Chris Caine said at Passion this past year:  In regards to human trafficking, a cause for which Chris has given over her entire life, she charged all of us listening with more passion than I’ve ever heard her speak (and that is saying A LOT), to do one thing:  PRAY. 

Whether you sit reading this with seven adopted sons and daughters playing at your feet,

Or you sit alone today wishing a spouse would share your heart’s desire,

Or you sit at peace with your place in the open field of the No,

Or you sit in a puddle of tears over the pain of infertility,

Or you sit confused and broken over financial limitations,

Or you sit afraid…

Would you PRAY with me?

Like, for real??

You don’t have to pray that God would call you to adopt. 

He will take care of that if He so chooses.

Chances are, if you’re so inclined to it that you’re asking Him to call you to do it, He already has.

But I’ve decided to use the next 40 days of my life to pray for orphans.  My amazing friend whom I’ve never met, Kay Warren, has put together a 40 Day Prayer Guide for Orphan Care.  Starting today, July 26, would you pray with me for 40 little days?  You can download the guide here, but I ask one thing: Please comment below or email me at vreeves95@gmail.com if you are joining me for this 40 Days of Prayer for Orphan Care.  You won’t hear back a single unsolicited thing from me; I just want a tally of how many are praying.  We’ll begin today because tonight is the night of the Journey Campus women’s gathering, at which I’d like to call them to pray with us as well. 

This I can tell you for sure:  Satan NEVER asks us to pray.  So if you are willing to pray for 40 days, by all means trust that the Lord Himself has planted a seed that will grow in the grace and freedom that is life in Him.  I’m convinced the fruit will be more beautiful than anything we can imagine.

a prayer for my tongue: the sequel

Yesterday before church started a good friend walked up to me and asked to see my left hand.  Now, I had some gold bangles on my wrist, and my wedding band on my ring finger, but nothing super special… no sparkly, deco nails or henna tattoo.  I wondered what he was up to.  Hesitatedly, I gave my hand over.

He looked carefully; he looked puzzled.  I asked, “What is it?”

He answered, “I read your blog.  I was looking to see if you had a scar.”

If you read my previous post, you understand.  I suffered third degree burns on three fingers of my left hand in the third grade.  I know absolutely nothing about the medical treatment of burns.  All I know is, they took all my skin off, I wore a white bandage the whole entire rest of the school year, and, eventually, my own skin grew back.  And today – thirty years later – you could never ever tell by the sight of my left hand that it had ever experienced the slightest injury.  No scar.  At all.

It would have made a good story to tell you that I had a scar on my hand… a constant reminder of the pain I went through… a remnant of the hurt that would forever be a part of me.  I mean, that’s the way life works, isn’t it?  We get hurt.  In time, we heal.  But we carry with us the scars.

I have never once in thirty years thought about how remarkable and strange it is that I have no scars from my Bonanza incident.  So yesterday, as I walked into worship from that conversation, I considered it.   I thought about the connection between my painful burn injury thirty years ago and my tongue’s power to burn my kids’ lives down today.  And as I began to worship Him with song, it hit me:  In God’s economy, scars are NOT required.

In God’s economy, when He heals a heart, a life, He has the power to erase every sign of it ever happening. 

“I will forgive their wickedness, and will remember their sins no more” 

(Jeremiah 31: 34; Hebrews 8:12).

Does He sometimes leave scars?  Absolutely.  Do we sometimes have to face consequences of forgiven sins?  Absolutely.  But get this: ONLY when He will get more glory (and we will get more good) from having a scar, than from not.  From facing the consequences, than from not.

So my “Prayer for My Tongue: The Sequel” is this:  Lord, I messed up today.  I lost my temper.  I said things I shouldn’t have said.  I didn’t exhibit patience, or grace.  I judged.  I nagged.  I tore down, instead of building up.  I’ve asked for their forgiveness.  Would you help them forget?

You see, a couple years ago, an amazing older mom who has raised two godly women admitted to me that she wasn’t perfect.  That when they were little, she would sometimes lose her temper and later pray that they would forget.  [Genius!  Why didn’t I think of that?!]  If you ask her two grown daughters today about their childhood, they will tell you that their momma never raised her voice. 

If we’ve not been given the grace to forget what has happened to us… by all means let’s use it for His glory.  Let’s make sure the people around us know better than to make the same mistakes we’ve made.  Let’s let the gruesome lingering consequences cause us to throw up in our mouth every time we consider going back to that sin again.  For His glory.  For our good.  That’s what scars and consequences are for. 

But know this:  when God heals, He doesn’t graft in something artificial. He doesn’t just make us better.  He makes us new. 

“Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.”

Acts 10:15

This imperfect momma is glad to worship a God who forgives and forgets.  Who heals and makes new.   Whose patience is evidenced by the sunrise every morning, and the very breath that just passed through my lungs.  And that one, too.  Who has made my heart, my life, brand new.  And who is doing the same with the three daughters of His under my current care.